The Great Destroyer

Call Me Irresistible will be the best book in the Wynette, Texas series. Ted is amazing, I love him and it will ROCK! It will rock so hard the planet will shake, craters will appear everywhere and swallow all those people who hate this book. Craters will cleanse all the urban areas out there so that more trees will grow and we can have more paper in order to print more Call Me Irresistible books! And we will create a religion that reads this book non-stop. We will explore Mars (more thoroughly, those NASA bitches can’t do anything right) and find the Perfect Human Creator 3000 the aliens forgot to take when they got bored of waiting for good music on MTV. Then using the Perfect Human Creator 3000 we will create a perfect clone of Ted. He will be the next Messiah and will bless us with his wisdom and hotness. Forever!If I could go back in time and slap my past self over the head for having those expectations regarding Call Me Irresistible I would.Saying that I’m disappointed by this book would be an understatement. What the hell was this story? Can someone please tell me? What the hell happened to Ted? Nah, let's not call him Ted. New Jesus (a halo?? Really??)? Nah, too good. Mayor Dickhead? Perfect. So what happened to Mayor Dickhead? He was such a cute kid in whatever, the previous books – forgot the names. And now he’s freakin’ Medusa’s blow up doll. Hard-headed, heartless and boring as hell.Did I mention that he’s a total asshole to Meg? Let me quote the dear ass: He pointed one long finger in the general direction of her head. “You’d better be ready at seven on Friday night because that’s when I’m picking you up. And don’t expect to see me before then because I have business in Santa Fe. And I’m not calling, either. I have more important things to do than argue with a crazy woman.”Meg, the only character I respect, gets treated like a stray dog throughout the book by Mayor Dickhead and his town of minions. My message to all you mindless pricks is the following We also have a reunion in this book. A huge amount of characters from the previous Wynette books are here. And they all are either ignorant, cruel, total bitches or assholes. All those wonderful characters I used to love are gone. Poof! Just like that. One book and all my respect is gone.Aaand, what else do we have? *scratches her chin* Oh yeah! Golf. Want to know my opinion on golf? I’ll quote my good friend George Carlin on this one. Plenty of good land in nice neighborhoods, land that is currently being wasted on a meaningless, mindless activity engaged in primarily by white, well-to-do male businessmen who use the game to get together to make deals to carve this country up a little finer among themselves.It is an arrogant game on its very design alone. Just the design of the game speaks of arrogance. Think of how big a golf course is. The ball is that fucking big! What do these pinheaded pricks need with all that land? There are over 17,000 golf courses in America. They average over 150 acres apiece. That's 3 million plus acres, 4,820 square miles. You could build two Rhode Islands and a Delaware for the homeless, on the land currently being wasted on this meaningless, mindless, arrogant, elitist, racist - there's another thing: the only blacks you'll find in country clubs are carrying trays - and a boring game. Boring game for boring people. Have you ever watched golf on television? It's like watching flies fuck.And a mindless game, mindless. Think of the intellect it must take to draw pleasure from this activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick, and then walking after it! And then, hitting it again! I say, "Pick it up asshole, you're lucky you found the fucking thing. Put it in your pocket and go the fuck home, you're a winner. You're a winner. You found it!"‘Nuff said.Lucy’s story seems like loads of fun. I mean Panda?? Really?? Who the hell goes around calling himself Panda??Oh wait.