The Great Destroyer

Destroying books since 1999.

The Wedding Bargain - Victoria Alexander This one’s for Madu’s Birthday! Yes, it’s a birthday read! Hurray!!!!I’m sorry I’ll f*ck this one up Madu. I tried to like it but… I didn’t O_OSo the question of the day is: what is The Wedding Bargain about? Even an idiot can answer this question. Yes, it’s about a freakin’ wedding bargain. However, let me tell you the story in a better way. Behold the dialogue!Max: I love you Pandora, you’re the hottest girl out there. Let’s get married!Pandora: No Max, you’re an idiot, and I hate you. I want a hero. You’re gay.M: Even so, we’re meant to be together. We’re soul mates. I’ve already knitted matching socks for both of us. We’ll wear them while making love so that our feet will be nice and warm. This way we’ll avoid thinking about how stupid and cold we are.P: No Max, I don’t want to marry you. Yes, I think you’re hot, and I touch myself at night while thinking about you, but I still won’t marry you.M: Hey Pandora, how about I stick my tongue down your throat and touch your privates. Would you want me then?P: *gasps* Oh Max I love you now! Let’s make our genitals touch so we could always remember this special moment!M: On second thought... You seemed hotter with your clothes on. Score on seeing you naked! Wait until my friends hear about this!P: *cries* Daaaaad Max is making fun of me again!~ The End ~ That’s probably how I look while reading the wonderful books that belong to the Historical Romance genre. And I’ve always wondered why people stare at me in a strange way while I’m reading these in public. Now I have my answer.You know what would make HRs more fun? Dinosaurs! Now that would be a book I’d read!Anyway, The Wedding Bargain is a very boring book. Idiotic even. But Pandora does own a pistol. That would make it more exciting, right?I have another point to add. I really hate this thing they’re always using in these books. He was the most eligible bachelor. The most handsome and most virile. And he had the hots for only one extremely annoying and boring woman: our heroine. Guess what? This only happens in the mind of naive girls who are still expecting Prince Charming on a white horse to sweep them off their feet and elope or something. Well guess what? Sh*t like this doesn’t happen. These dudes will never waste time on normal girls. They’re overly busy banging bimbos and porn stars, getting drunk and high, and spending money on horribly expensive things. So quit daydreaming about this sh*t because you’re too old for it!*ugh* totally stupid useless god give me patience with these books!!! *ugh*Ok I’m calm now… *clears throat* I'm terribly sorry but not one's cup of teah, old boy.