Destroying books since 1999.
I started reading this as an accident of fate. Yes you read it well! Me and my friend Aly decided we should do a “group” (or whatever you wanna call it) read. We picked a couple of books, numbered ‘em and then used an online random number chooser thing to pick what to read. This was the result. It was actually a nice experiment. Worked for my friend, didn’t work for me.
This review will be a bad one. I hated the book; I won’t be nice so in case you’re into this type of books you should probably stop reading now. If you want my opinion on this, keep on reading.
So we have the dude. He’s a writer and, in my personal opinion, a big loser. He’s still living with his family, hiding stuff from his mum, taking sh*t from his brothers and so on. He is a big fancy writer so I was expecting him to f*ck off everyone and live a depressed solitary life. But I guess that’s just me…
The chick is a total idiot. Typical case of stuck-up, successful (to a point) city woman paying nature a visit. She acts all blonde, says stupid things (heh! She kinda reminds me of the Legally Blonde chick – did I mention I hate Legally Blonde??) and fears raccoons like one would fear a crazed crocodile. Yep, I shite you not!
Now the whole feeling of the book is one big fat huge damn telenovela (did I mention I also hate telenovelas???). I duno who did duno what to duno who and he did duno what back to her. Highschool drama and broken friendships (that got fixed too easy – if I’m not wrong… did it actually get fixed? I don’t even remember). Too many kids (God I hate kids…) doing stupid stuff. Guys acting like machos and failing at it. B-O-R-I-N-G and annoying!
I tried to like this book! I really did but it had too much sh*t for me to handle.
Keri seems like a bad person (she’s even annoying during sex). I get that people break up when they’re young (and when they’re old so I guess that makes it all the time) but at least I’d expect her to show a bit of feelings. She’s talking about leaving Joe like she gave up some shoes she didn’t like anymore. She goes back to her hometown and meets the guy who’s gonna end up the love of her life and does what? Gets all hot n sweaty ‘cuz he looks good and remembers how perfect they were together and then talks about leaving so easily. So this shows lack of feeling and shows what a bad person she is. I can’t get to like her and I don’t like reading books where i can’t even like the main characters.
I respect Joe fighting for what he wants or what he thinks is his but I can’t respect him for being an idiot. Yes he is an idiot. That’s the key word when it comes to Joe Whatever-the-hell-his-name-is. Get over damn higschool you’re a f*cking successful writer you can do better than that! Oh and speaking of the Mighty Joe, why does the author have to mention his erection every five pages? He’s horny, we get it already!!! Let it go!!!
Aaand of course shell betray his trust, aaand of course we’ll have two more chapters of drama followed by tears and flying dishes, and in the end they kiss and make up and move to the city where Joe lives. They have kids and live happily ever after. I insist on mentioning that in 69% through the book when I’m writing this.
Aaand in the end the story ended up like I said it will. I will be honest (and not harsh) and give it one star. Why? First of all I didn’t like any characters. And I mean it. Joe was an idiot, Keri was annoying, Terry was stupid and the rest of the characters irrelevant. Two, the story was nonsense. Too predictable, boring and mediocre. Three, lack of emotions between the main characters. Yes she wrote about them hanging out, making love and whatever the hell they were doing but i didn’t feel any spark between them. I didn’t feel any connection forming between them, didn’t have any reaction when they were in trouble or when they had the typical sentimental moments at the end. Four, the cover sucks. Sorry, I love a good cover so it has a part in my rating, however small this may be. Five, no epic quotes. I’m a quote monster so it matters to me.
So that’s it. Harsh probably, but it was not my thing. I will avoid this series and probably the author as well.
Top 5 quotes (yes, I still did one - ZOMG)
#5 “Why did you kiss me?” she asked suddenly, her gaze like an interrogator’s spotlight on his face.
“Glitch in the space-time continuum, I guess. Old habits die hard and all that.” Chickenshit.
#4 “Dan. Take a breath.”
“Oh, I’m taking so many breaths I’m hyperventilating. I need to put a fucking bag over my mouth. Or maybe put a bag over your head because your brains are leaking out.”
#3 “That’s right.” Keri frowned at him. “How do you remember that? You were behind us in school.”
“Her yearbook photos, especially the cheerleading candids. Sometimes I’d—” he paused, obviously remembering Steph’s presence, “—have them nearby while checking myself for ticks.”
#2 "She likes me better because she doesn’t have to wash my underwear. Plus I’m better lookin’.”
Mike laughed. “You keep telling yourself that while I’m getting laid out in the woods, my friend.”
“You just like it out there because the mosquito bites make your dick look bigger.”
#1 “If you’re looking for sympathy, it’s between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.”
Read the review on ZombieHazard.