The Great Destroyer

Destroying books since 1999.

The Iron Duke (Iron Seas, #1) - Meljean Brook Why does Germany get to have a cool cover???@our cover: Dude! Put a shirt on!I really have a problem with these typical shirtless dude covers. Could you get shallower than that? Buy a book just ‘cause a hot dude is on the cover. Book porn, that’s what this is…My first thoughts when starting the book were (in this exact order):A life without sugar!!! The horrooor!!!!Pirates *droools*Tahaeram or whatever wtf is that name?? I can’t even remember it! Why didn’t they call him Bob? That would be easy to remember.Pirates of the skies so freakin’ awesome!!!ZOMG ZOMBIES!!!!!!So after these *droolface* comments I was expecting the book to be something big. Well, I guess you could ignore the Bob one… but you get it. Soo much potential! *facepalm*I’ll explain the *facepalm* in a second.I’ll start with some simple images. How I see steampunk:How I see steampunk in this book:Yep! It eventually ended up into something like this. Sadly…It started with an interesting plot. The whole bug in sugar and tea mindcontrol gig seemed really good. Great inventions and amazing places throughout the story. It had a more urban fantasy feel than a romance-whatever one. It was a great combination of action, drama and love. I was really impressed.I don’t know why but I got the Bonnie and Clyde vibe out of this. Made me remember this great painting done by Adonihs.Hmmm let me think… what other good stuff does it have? Oh yes! Scarsdale was a nice character. A coward, but funny. Reminded me of the brother dude from The Mummy. And don’t let me start with what they did to that awesome movie. I’d end up having a seizure.Aaaaaand then the book got ruined. Mina’s drama started, Traheean whatever his name is got in heat for her and all the action went to hell. Then he started getting dirty with her and she rejected him, then he insists and she gives in but is afraid to have an orgasm because she had a lesbian moment with her BFF in the past. Mindcontrol sh*t. What the f*ck??? How can you ruin such a good book like that?? Like I care about her mental issues or her damn orgies or whatever!! Stupid!Why did the author have to create such an idiotic heroine??? Seriously, the book is awesome, it has such great elements that I LOVED (steampunk stuff, zombies, action, a half-iron-thing dude) so you can understand how I feel when I think that this could have been a perfect book for me. Now I can’t give it a high score because of the beautiful Mina. Thank you dude, you just ruined the book for me!Before I go on with the review I have to do some Find and Replace in this book.Stupid Mina! *angry face* again. *imitates her squeaky voice* “Oh smoking hells the big bad zombies are coming! AAAAAA!!!!”She is the most selfish character you could find. She wants the dude’s love but she doesn’t want a relationship with him because she’ll get too much bad publicity and ruin her family. One, the dude’s a hero and you’d get good publicity. Two, wtf is this attitude? Could you be more stupid than this? The guy is offering a carte blanche and she turns it down. Three, Mina you’re an idiot. Four, I hate you Meljean Brook for creating this disastrous character that ruined another pirate book for me. Five, I need a shotgun. Pronto.And Rhys giving up his life for a selfish ass is stupid. I wanted a strong male character and I got this in-heat-muscle-filled-iron-man dude. At first he was damn awesome and now look at him. Ugh this book makes me get violent!!Oh yeah now she’s content after taking a bullet for him and becoming a f*cking hero. Now she’s all strong and more masculine than Rhys. I didn’t think this book would be such a huge pissing contest.Should I bother saying that I hope the next book is better? I have a weakness for pirates and zombies dammit!!Just a thought. If Rhys, say, trips and falls over Mina. Just by mistake... If there’s a banana peel on the floor it wouldn’t be *cough* because of *cough* me *cough* or anything. But as a concept. He trips and falls. He’s heavy like a tank. The answer to the equation is Mina dying a horrible death right? Where the hell did I put those bananas...Top 5 quotes#5 His gaze searched her features. Finally, he gave a short nod—as if she needed his permission to proceed. He certainly had a high opinion of himself. Unfortunately, everyone else in England shared that view. #4 Dead people of all sorts were more tolerable than most of those living. #3 “And inspector . . .” He strode forward and stared down at her, his gaze fierce. “You run. Because I am not taking a zombie into my bed.” #2 “We’ve both lived many years in London, and our paths never crossed. After today, I cannot imagine we’ll meet again or have reason to be alone.”“You’ll go wherever there are dead bodies.” He released the gate. “I can arrange for several to be found.” #1 “Of course I wear armor. I am sitting with a pirate, a mercenary, an adventurer, and a bounder. If a shot is not fired tonight, I daresay that your reputations are nothing but lies.” For a proper view of my "wonderful" review visit ZombieHazard.